Sunday, September 28, 2014

my first 5k run

I had to get up early @ 7am on a lazy Cloudy Sunday, having only sleep for 6 hhours
Though I am trying hard to lose my extra pounds, I haven't built much stamina to run continuously, nevertheless I reached the finish line before a few ladies who were trying to keep up with the group.

But it definitely was motivating and hoping to get better in my next run.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

painting and reading a book are my anti depressants!

Since this blog is the only place where I ramble with all my emotional being, with just a hand full of people whom i have never met before, reading it, i rather admit it here itself that my mild depression is slowly aggravating inspite of trying to keep myself busy. I so want to talk about it to someone, but I don't want anyone to get stressed because of me; I don't trust anybody who can take what ever I tell them and still expect them to keep it to themselves.
I am definitely missing my life with my parents around me. And may be i am lonely because i haven't made a single friend here, since I am not a very outgoing person(of course it makes me miss all those good old days with my friends and family who were always there for me when i was in India). Or May be I am still a kid who yearns to be in a closed shell and not experience the harsh world.
I think of all possible ideas to keep myself happy. My husband even asked me if i need a dog which i really feel the need for, but i am a person who is still learning to take care of myself amidst my depression. I sometimes even long to have a baby though we have postponed for three more years. Perhaps, these sudden impulses and longings are also symptoms of depression.

Though books  and painting always are my best antidepressants, I dint quite get adjusted to a non socializing life, inspite of being a victim of some people's  rudeness (may be they din't really mean to be rude, or that is a well accepted behavior in the society, but since it was the same persons behaving like that again and again, it has disturbed me very much)
Nevertheless, I feel it is better to talk  to a stranger,not revealing ones identity, than to be embarrassed and being hurt among a group of people whom I meet in person and who loves playing Chinese whispers.

I don't mind even being blamed for my paranoia, as no one can really understand what I'm really undergoing through. I am definitely working on correcting my mind to be at peace, and also stay invisible to people who don't value my presence, after all not everyone I have met or going to meet is going to like me.

May be for sometime I should just stay away from my social networks as much as possible to get over all the negative aura in me and I hope I come out of this trauma soon atleast for my parents, spouse and siblings who are the only well-wishers I can ever have.

For the people who take time to visit my blog, thanks a ton! Your comments make me immensely happy. Happy blogging!

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Today I remembered their talks.

There are some of my elderly relatives, supposedly my distant grandmas, in India, whom I would meet once in a while, on some occasions. They would make me sit by their side and talk about something, which eventually would take them through their memory lane and continue telling me their flashback. The first time I would listen to every bit of it with utmost interest, but my next meets with them would make me listen to the same stories again and again, as though the flashback was that of  my own. Yet, I would sit and listen to them, like my favorite song replayed umpteen times. It gave me a weird satisfaction as though I achieved something.
 To my disappointment, two among these people hardly recognized me on my last visit. They are dementia patients.
I somehow feel good for having listened to them, then.  I am guilt free that I dint avoid them or make them feel like they were boring.

Monday, September 1, 2014

one minute friends

On a crosswalk I met this Indian girl..

Indian girl: are you from India?

Me: yes! (With a smile) which place are you from?

Indian girl: Hyderabad.

Me: me too (smiles)

30 sec passed...

Indian girl: how long has it been since you are here?

Me: a year and a half. What do you do?

Indian girl: I finished bachelors in dentistry in India, i came here with my uncle three months back and now I am doing an internship here.

30 sec passed..

We crossed the road and posted or ways.

Few days later coincidentally we meet the same way.. On the crosswalk, I was late for my bus and she was late to her clinic. 45 sec we knew each others fav. Restaurant in Folsom,  my career goals, her career goals. It's was funny that we spoke so much in one m minute, and yet don't know each others names

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

year long craving, not yet satisfied! :(

Since my first experience of the Sacramento's scorching heat, I have always longed for anything cool.. Like my hubby, the cool guy around me ;) taking showers for an hour or more (it's only on peak summer days i stop being a water conservationist) Smoothies, cold coffee, ice tea and of course sharbats like roohafza or the rose syrup coolers. And yet I haven't quenched my thirst which is beyond just the taste  because I have lately been craving for one such sharbat  that I tasted almost 10-15 years back and which still remains one of my favorite (Ok may be that's an exaggeration that a person might consider something favorite by just experiencing it once in life) but right now my craving being at its high, has made me go to all the Indian and middle Eastern stores around in search of it. But all in vain :(
Of course I did try the online store where their shipping charges is five times the price of the product. Looking at which I tell myself "No! Do be a despo. Control your cravings, you don't have to waste your buck on one bottle rather than buying the shock enough for a lifetime to enjoy"

And I'm here still craving for this long forgotten taste of the green sharbat made from vetiver roots -khus syrup

Guys, if you know where I can get this amazingly good product to quench my year long thirst, I would be grateful and would also share its refreshing recipes with you. Please, please help me!!!

Friday, August 15, 2014

What do you do for your country?

I am quite impressed by India's new PM's agenda through his independence day speech. May be we can look forward to a positive 'corruption-free' development for the next few years under the new govt. here are the highlight of Mr. Narendra modi's speech.
What caught my attention most was his talk about the issues of rape, development of villages for the over-all country's development,integrating the poorest of the poor with bank accounts and also giving an insurance through debit cards for upto 1 lakh rupees.

"I want to ask every mother and father, you ask your daughters 'where are you going, who are you going with'. But do you ever ask your sons these questions? After all, those who rape are also someone's son."

True, when we talk about rape our heads do hang in shame. I totally agree with what Mr. PM said. But In this case I would even blame the girls  who are also responsible for such a situation to arise. Not just that, one should be educated about sex - the good and bad about it from the age the individual reaches his/her puberty, or may be even younger. But one thing i notice in most Indian families is, there is always an embarrassment among the family members to even a mere utterance of the S word, which i feel would also lead a young adult to this situation of confusion on what is right and what is wrong. It might also be a struggle between his/her animal instincts and morality. Moreover, as far as my knowledge goes, only from the colonial era, many of these sexual liberalism (so many of the ancient sculptures show only nudity) in India got stigmatized later to a better establishment or rather colonization of the Indian minds with European values
Making the long story short, i would say, parents/guardians or any elders in the family should also take responsibility in talking about issues like child abuse, sexual abuse and rape seriously to their children.

"If we want to develop India, we need to develop villages."

Having a goal of developing at least five villages by every Member of Parliament, by the end of five years is a big deal. It would be amazing if they do succeed. It all sounds good to the ears of every citizen, but are we all doing our bit of  work to improve our society?  Every individual's mentality is such that when there is a change in the govt., they will wait for a year and see if there are any good changes made by the govt. if they aren't the blame the govt., and even if there is a  slightest change, they wouldn't be satisfied. People should realize one thing 'Rome was never built in one day'. In this case may be we can substitute it with "the Taj Mahal' ;) 

Every individual should take responsibility in doing atleast one or two of the following thing a day to the society, it would not just give a personal satisfaction but also, others  will see and learn from us.

Easier said than done, but we should at least not do bad, if we cannot do any good to the society or people.
Hoping for a better India. Jai hind!

Monday, July 28, 2014

My Pet Plant? !! :P

I have always had a close connection with dogs, and have always had one as a pet from my childhood. Even now in my parents place in India, they have a Labrador named snoopy, the youngest and the most adorable family member.

 But since i have relocated to the US two years back, i have never thought of having a pet here, for certain reasons. But I have started gaining interest in gardening, which is a common one for both, my husband and me.
Though we live in an apartment, we managed to grow a couple of ornamental plants, and just started trying our luck in growing some veggies and herbs, out of which the Curry leaf plant is doing the best,having survived the winter last year. Usually the summers and winters go by almost 10 degrees higher in Sacramento when compared to the weather in the bay area. This amazed many of our friends who have been unsuccessful in growing the same and hence we were also motivated to take extra care of the plant.
Now, the plant has grown double its height from what it was in January.
My husband would even go and check on the curry leaf plant everyday before he goes to work. And everyday I just go and stand in the patio admiring the plant closely for sometime. My mom and dad, would even ask me to show the plant on the Skype calls I have with them every week, for seeing how big its grown. I know this must sound weird, but this plant has also become a common topic to discuss with my loved ones. My silently growing, green pet :)

Saturday, July 26, 2014

cynicism everywhere

Unfortunately, I see the world is full of cynicism! :(
Not just a stranger, but even a close family member or a close friend can be very cynical.
 I am not a very out spoken person who would  talk openly about a lot of things, but now that I am married I try to open up conversations with this new family and the relatives. Having had a chat with distant relative in my new family few weeks back, the call ended up making me sad in some way. Though the conversation was mostly the general, how are you? What are you doing? And stuff like that, having remembered this last talk about her husband who doesn't help her around in the house hold chors, I asked her in a jovial way if her husband has started helping her (not minding her husband who was also a participant in this conversation) now that she is carrying a big bump. She shunned my question in such a way making me feel shameful for asking the question. Eventually she abruptly cut the call while i was going to say something.

There were some strangers disguised as friends who had made me feel bad before, but this was the worst i have come across with a family member. I feel very insecure to talk freely to some of these people who have become my relatives

Friday, July 25, 2014

curious minds leads to redesigning and engineering!

Unlike the cats, being curious, i think, is the last thing that can kill us, humans.
 My li'l cousin became fidgety with the new toy he got, may be just five minutes back. He, not listening to his grandma's advice of not breaking that, my cousin continued doing his job and finally tried splitting his new toy into as many pieces as possible (of course he din't break anything). My brother and I kept watching the fun, apart from hearing to the grandma complain to us, not to buy him new toys. My brother remarked, this is the way one can redesign things and develop the interest for engineering new things. Eventually, this little boy tried fixing this toy back to its form. Indeed he did it. This amazed all of us, and so did my brother's remark.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Weekend hiking/camping!

I had finally got to visit my cousin brother over the weekend, who stays in the Alameda county of California. On Saturday,on my way i came across this,

Though it made me laugh at that moment, I think one should live life doing whatever pleases them not fearing the consequences of the risks they take.
Apparently, I did an off trail hike, getting frequent helping hand from my husband and my cousin. Momentarily i feared skidding down as the climb was very steep but ultimately I was utmost satisfied climbing to almost the top of the mountain.
This was the best hike I have done, also because this was the first time i saw a snake so close

The common king snake!

After camping for the night, we hiked around the Anthony Chabot lake. Came across a variety of vegetation there; the water fowls, People fishing, the golden eagle. The view was amazing!  It was my longest hike so far, - 10 miles and I realize how much my stamina has improved over one year, motivating me to improve more over my upcoming hiking/camping trips.

Monday, July 7, 2014

a short visit to the land of enchantment!!

On my visit to my brothers place for the July 4th long weekend, with a desperate need to escape from my mundane stuffs, this was the first time I was able to explore some good places at the land of enchantment -New Mexico. Though the weather was as bad as it is right now in California, the place has always made me feel relaxing. It's architectural design which matched is desert environment; the New Mexican authentic cuisine; and of course my brother who made me feel like I'm home. I enjoyed everything thoroughly.

These were some amusingly unusual things I came across in the four days


This was an advertisement of the arts and handicrafts at one of the native Americans village. Real indians ;)


This made all of us Lol at once.


House on wheels. :P

Monday, June 30, 2014

Some shocking tamil quotes

With my love for poems, and as an amateur poetess, I learn a lot from reading the works of some great poets. Today, I came across this blog while searching for some old Tamil poems online. Till this time I had a positive impact about quotations and proverbs because of the philosophical nature of most proverbs I have read. But the proverbs that are talked about in this blog shows how much of differences people had in the society a century ago. How peoples perception changes about an individual based on his/her profession.

Dance, which is today considered a very lively form of art, was some time back considered as the prostitute's job, and the dark comparison people have made with their superstitious beliefs, cultural and ethical standards, comparisons with laziness, selfishness etc had all the more brought down the reputation of dancers in those days.

The blog gives detailed explanations of the foreign authors interpretation and the view points of the present day dancers and other people, regarding this topic.

But what confuses me is, if dance and dancers were considered so awful, then how did  bharathanatayam, kuchipudi and other classical dances get popularity over time? Were they specific about what kind of dance/dancers to be put in the above mentioned category?
Brahmins are considered the highest caste in the tamil society, And as far as my knowledge goes, almost all my Tamil brahmin friends have classical dancing as their hobby. How did they face this situation then?

Having read this article in the blog, with the foreigner's 'so-called' exaggerated interpretation of these proverbs may not actually be as hyped. May be the Indian society before the British Raj would have had more number of prostitution going on.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Can stress be one cause for having nightmares? depression?

It's been two years since Deepthi has moved to the states along with her husband, she often feels home sick. She is a home maker who mostly spend her time watching atleast one movie a day, cooking, cleaning the house, painting, gardening and a little bit of reading books. Though she had taken a few courses at the community college and was keeping herself busy, she decided to relax a bit for the summer staying at home.
Since her coming to the US, Deepthi has also developed some health issues like hypothyroidism, and some vitamin deficiencies which she was worried about and even asked me for some home remedies that could help her in improving the levels.
She often feels low on self esteem, lonely which makes her feel like she is having some psychological problem. I try cheering up in ways I can but lately she has even started having nightmares about losing some loved one or something evil happening around her. I have no clue what to do or how to help her.  She said she started watching this new series called 'the orange is a new black' which is about the life of a lady in the prison. And from that time, she even looks much stressed out. She is not willing to consult any kind of a psycartrist or any counselor regarding this issue as she thinks that might affect her personal and professional life.
Since I am the only person she has told this to other than her husband who is also worried and helpless about this situation, neither of us know how to help this girl.
If you have any suggestions please give.. This is equally stressful for me who is hearing to Deepthi about her troubles.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Some songs that make me write!

Its  surprises me how an old hindi classic app ki nazron ne samjha has led me to this thought about life.. This song is apt for the lover affair i have with life.. for all the wonderful things it has gifted me with.

Check out my poetry/lyrics blog - I Write, to see what I came out with.

There are some songs I listen to and get carried away with its lyrics. With such deep meaning, that I can relate it to my own life, becoming one with the music..  It makes one cherish their memories, forget all the tension in their mundane life, and enjoy the song with the such intensity, like having attained nirvana

Like I had quoted on my Quotation blog - My Scribblings!  "Meditation and Music together makes an effective pain killer"

It reminds me to enjoy life the way it is.
There are times when things don't happen the way I wanted it to, or times when I feel bored, or may be  just warming my couch day-dreaming about the most absurd things in life, but to my surprise, these are the days I listen to some of these audible energizers, I tend to have a buoyancy to do some of the most unexpected things that I least imagined to be possible by me..

Like Falling in love with Shreya Ghosal's  voice singing Chickni chameli which led me to write the Delicious Butter chicken recipe into a song.. Chickeni makhani.. 

Do share with me if you have felt the same listening to some songs.. has it led you to do something innovative?

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

The worry that worries me of all the worries

As confusing the title might seem, is my confused mind. I always have a bad habit, I rather call it a weakness of pondering a lot about too many things that happen around me or in the world

I watched this animated movie called 'the wrinkles' about the way life is for the old people, their survival in the old age home and so on.

Here is the link for the movie.

 It made me cry!

There are people in this world, who are too busy to spend time with family, especially with parents. When parents get old that is when they want their children to be by their side, spend some time with them, talk to them, care for them the way they did when their children were small.
But some people, don't have time for all these. They would rather send their aged parents to the "senior's home", thinking that is a better place for them; thinking that is a place where they would get better care; friends of the same age to talk to. But is this the case?
The movie speaks it all..

Like any other commercial business, even old age home (some private ones) have become one of the kind. They all definitely have the amenities, all the luxury, may be even a swimming pool and spa for the seniors apart from fitness centers etc.But there are some senior living communities which have these facilities for an eye wash. May be there isn't even a proper trainer appointed for these jobs. Though there are some good senior living places which have all these and are even very friendly, but are these people really here for these pleasures?

All that the aged parents might ask is for their children and grandchildren to be with them, and spend a little time from their busy schedules with them. This happiness cannot be got from anybody else apart from ones own family. It is cruel for some people in this world to sent their own parents in care of someone else without taking any responsibilities.
Even if they do send their parents to a senior living community, one should always call and even meet their parents at the old age home everyday to keep them happy and make them feel they are cared for by their children.

This worries me, for I know of people who are in such a situation.

I fear of what may come tomorrow, when people who go abroad for studying, working and settle down in the foreign country for various reasons , and their parents back in the home land who may not like it there as much, or not willing to leave their mother land...

This is the worry that worries me most.

Friday, May 2, 2014


mein  kya karoon teri pyaare baaton ke bina?
jo likhta hai mujhme  pyaari si kahaniyaan,
mere dil se na hata saku, yeh hai nahi koi mazaak.
ab yeh kya ho raha hai mere mann mein tu hi bata?
pyaar ki nasha mere sar pe hai yeh chada.

tu jo mili mujhe hui ek nayi shuruwaat
na ho door humse yeh anoki jasbaat
jab tu pass ho mere, na hoon mein kabhi tanha
mann mera gaa raha hai, rok na saku, sunja
tu hi meri zindagi hai  har pal sun le zara