Since this blog is the only place where I ramble with all my emotional being, with just a hand full of people whom i have never met before, reading it, i rather admit it here itself that my mild depression is slowly aggravating inspite of trying to keep myself busy. I so want to talk about it to someone, but I don't want anyone to get stressed because of me; I don't trust anybody who can take what ever I tell them and still expect them to keep it to themselves.
I am definitely missing my life with my parents around me. And may be i am lonely because i haven't made a single friend here, since I am not a very outgoing person(of course it makes me miss all those good old days with my friends and family who were always there for me when i was in India). Or May be I am still a kid who yearns to be in a closed shell and not experience the harsh world.
I think of all possible ideas to keep myself happy. My husband even asked me if i need a dog which i really feel the need for, but i am a person who is still learning to take care of myself amidst my depression. I sometimes even long to have a baby though we have postponed for three more years. Perhaps, these sudden impulses and longings are also symptoms of depression.
Though books and painting always are my best antidepressants, I dint quite get adjusted to a non socializing life, inspite of being a victim of some people's rudeness (may be they din't really mean to be rude, or that is a well accepted behavior in the society, but since it was the same persons behaving like that again and again, it has disturbed me very much)
Nevertheless, I feel it is better to talk to a stranger,not revealing ones identity, than to be embarrassed and being hurt among a group of people whom I meet in person and who loves playing Chinese whispers.
I don't mind even being blamed for my paranoia, as no one can really understand what I'm really undergoing through. I am definitely working on correcting my mind to be at peace, and also stay invisible to people who don't value my presence, after all not everyone I have met or going to meet is going to like me.
May be for sometime I should just stay away from my social networks as much as possible to get over all the negative aura in me and I hope I come out of this trauma soon atleast for my parents, spouse and siblings who are the only well-wishers I can ever have.
For the people who take time to visit my blog, thanks a ton! Your comments make me immensely happy. Happy blogging!