Thursday, September 25, 2014

painting and reading a book are my anti depressants!

Since this blog is the only place where I ramble with all my emotional being, with just a hand full of people whom i have never met before, reading it, i rather admit it here itself that my mild depression is slowly aggravating inspite of trying to keep myself busy. I so want to talk about it to someone, but I don't want anyone to get stressed because of me; I don't trust anybody who can take what ever I tell them and still expect them to keep it to themselves.
I am definitely missing my life with my parents around me. And may be i am lonely because i haven't made a single friend here, since I am not a very outgoing person(of course it makes me miss all those good old days with my friends and family who were always there for me when i was in India). Or May be I am still a kid who yearns to be in a closed shell and not experience the harsh world.
I think of all possible ideas to keep myself happy. My husband even asked me if i need a dog which i really feel the need for, but i am a person who is still learning to take care of myself amidst my depression. I sometimes even long to have a baby though we have postponed for three more years. Perhaps, these sudden impulses and longings are also symptoms of depression.

Though books  and painting always are my best antidepressants, I dint quite get adjusted to a non socializing life, inspite of being a victim of some people's  rudeness (may be they din't really mean to be rude, or that is a well accepted behavior in the society, but since it was the same persons behaving like that again and again, it has disturbed me very much)
Nevertheless, I feel it is better to talk  to a stranger,not revealing ones identity, than to be embarrassed and being hurt among a group of people whom I meet in person and who loves playing Chinese whispers.

I don't mind even being blamed for my paranoia, as no one can really understand what I'm really undergoing through. I am definitely working on correcting my mind to be at peace, and also stay invisible to people who don't value my presence, after all not everyone I have met or going to meet is going to like me.

May be for sometime I should just stay away from my social networks as much as possible to get over all the negative aura in me and I hope I come out of this trauma soon atleast for my parents, spouse and siblings who are the only well-wishers I can ever have.

For the people who take time to visit my blog, thanks a ton! Your comments make me immensely happy. Happy blogging!


  1. hey cheer up girl..i understand your situation..the same thing happens to me too...a sense of alienation and loneliness creep in occassionally..Its because we are in a new place now.we are far away from our home country....even I havent made any close friends here...blogging helps..writing helps..but there are times when a physical presence is needed..but it will pass dear..we will slowly get used to this..we have to..
    your comments on my blog make me happy :-) and I love reading your blog and seeing your paintings..keep have a friend here.. :-)

    1. Thank you Athira, for your kind words.

  2. Hey Archana! We all go through such a phase in our lives now and then. There's nothing we can do about it but just wait till the feeling gets over. But rest assured, you WILL emerge from it a much stronger person. I hope you get over this depression and find some awesome friends in your current location soon. Much love..