Sunday, September 28, 2014

my first 5k run

I had to get up early @ 7am on a lazy Cloudy Sunday, having only sleep for 6 hhours
Though I am trying hard to lose my extra pounds, I haven't built much stamina to run continuously, nevertheless I reached the finish line before a few ladies who were trying to keep up with the group.

But it definitely was motivating and hoping to get better in my next run.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

painting and reading a book are my anti depressants!

Since this blog is the only place where I ramble with all my emotional being, with just a hand full of people whom i have never met before, reading it, i rather admit it here itself that my mild depression is slowly aggravating inspite of trying to keep myself busy. I so want to talk about it to someone, but I don't want anyone to get stressed because of me; I don't trust anybody who can take what ever I tell them and still expect them to keep it to themselves.
I am definitely missing my life with my parents around me. And may be i am lonely because i haven't made a single friend here, since I am not a very outgoing person(of course it makes me miss all those good old days with my friends and family who were always there for me when i was in India). Or May be I am still a kid who yearns to be in a closed shell and not experience the harsh world.
I think of all possible ideas to keep myself happy. My husband even asked me if i need a dog which i really feel the need for, but i am a person who is still learning to take care of myself amidst my depression. I sometimes even long to have a baby though we have postponed for three more years. Perhaps, these sudden impulses and longings are also symptoms of depression.

Though books  and painting always are my best antidepressants, I dint quite get adjusted to a non socializing life, inspite of being a victim of some people's  rudeness (may be they din't really mean to be rude, or that is a well accepted behavior in the society, but since it was the same persons behaving like that again and again, it has disturbed me very much)
Nevertheless, I feel it is better to talk  to a stranger,not revealing ones identity, than to be embarrassed and being hurt among a group of people whom I meet in person and who loves playing Chinese whispers.

I don't mind even being blamed for my paranoia, as no one can really understand what I'm really undergoing through. I am definitely working on correcting my mind to be at peace, and also stay invisible to people who don't value my presence, after all not everyone I have met or going to meet is going to like me.

May be for sometime I should just stay away from my social networks as much as possible to get over all the negative aura in me and I hope I come out of this trauma soon atleast for my parents, spouse and siblings who are the only well-wishers I can ever have.

For the people who take time to visit my blog, thanks a ton! Your comments make me immensely happy. Happy blogging!

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Today I remembered their talks.

There are some of my elderly relatives, supposedly my distant grandmas, in India, whom I would meet once in a while, on some occasions. They would make me sit by their side and talk about something, which eventually would take them through their memory lane and continue telling me their flashback. The first time I would listen to every bit of it with utmost interest, but my next meets with them would make me listen to the same stories again and again, as though the flashback was that of  my own. Yet, I would sit and listen to them, like my favorite song replayed umpteen times. It gave me a weird satisfaction as though I achieved something.
 To my disappointment, two among these people hardly recognized me on my last visit. They are dementia patients.
I somehow feel good for having listened to them, then.  I am guilt free that I dint avoid them or make them feel like they were boring.

Monday, September 1, 2014

one minute friends

On a crosswalk I met this Indian girl..

Indian girl: are you from India?

Me: yes! (With a smile) which place are you from?

Indian girl: Hyderabad.

Me: me too (smiles)

30 sec passed...

Indian girl: how long has it been since you are here?

Me: a year and a half. What do you do?

Indian girl: I finished bachelors in dentistry in India, i came here with my uncle three months back and now I am doing an internship here.

30 sec passed..

We crossed the road and posted or ways.

Few days later coincidentally we meet the same way.. On the crosswalk, I was late for my bus and she was late to her clinic. 45 sec we knew each others fav. Restaurant in Folsom,  my career goals, her career goals. It's was funny that we spoke so much in one m minute, and yet don't know each others names